im tired
im cold
im freaking out.
in the depts of this whole thing.

unlike anything else.
its creating a hell in my body.
i cannot escape.
breaking out of my cage is all i've known to do.
its all i will do.
its all i've hoped to do.

to free myself of all that holds me down.
♥

what have i learned in 2011?
oh theres just so much.

first off, in the past year, people change.
they might hurt you in the process. 
and it might not be on purpose. 
you have to learn to accept it. 
it was incedibly hard loosing my two bestest friends over the year. 
one of which gotten into some heavy family and drug problems. 
i tried being there for him. 
but it was no use. i lost my bestfriend, but i accepted it eventually. 
because you cannot hate someone for their decisions. 
he's different now. 
and for the other one, we decided to part ways because of fights we would have. 
it was incredible how much this person has changed, 
and i didnt want to be around her. 
so i took the easy way out. 
but dealing with it, now made both of us realized how stupid we were. 
we are slowly building our friendship. it won't be like before. 
but i have missed her and realized that i needed her. 

secondly, i've learned that love arrives to those who waits. 
i  kept trying and trying over the years to have a boyfriend 
because i was the kind of person who thrived on having a long term relationship. 
but it never worked for me. 
so my new years resolution for last year was to be happy with the single life. 
we'll i was quite happy with it to be honest. 
but eventually, it doesnt work that way. 
this most wonderful guy came into my life. and well, i hope he'll stay there. 
to whom it may concern, you'll find love. 
i know it. 

and lastly, i've learned to never rush anything. 
2011 seems like such a blur to me. 
and thats cause i kept looking forward to ending high school. 
and looking for a better life. 
its not fun realizing that half your 12th grade is gone, and it wasnt fun at all. 

so to that, sure, new year resolutions can be pretty stupid sometimes. 
depending on how you see them
but in 2012, i will try harder.
for everything.
boyfriend
friends
school
life.

why not?
happy new years everyone (:
♥

he's been constantly on my mind.
I've never felt this happy before.
we've had our small fights.
but we worked things out.
we had our embarasing moments.
and we never judged one another.
we've mentioned secrets.
and never told.
we've mentioned feelings.
ones that are strong.

he's the type of guy i was litterally waiting for.
the one who cares and isnt afraid to show it.
a guy who does so much to please.
and has his own confidence towards others, but opens up to me.
he's all i've ever wanted in a guy and so much more.
he has his faults, but i don't mind.
makes everything so much better.
he says he doesnt deserve me.
and i truely didnt think i deserved him
but in the end.
we deserve each other.

i'm not the type of girl to jump from guy to guy and fall in love with them.
its hard to understand love.
and i'm slowly figuring it out.
one step and fall at a time.

cheesy as hell; but i love him :$

♥

*Our breath smelled of cigarettes and alcohol
We'd walk down the beach, counting every star
Our hearts beat inside our chests
Leaving us gasping for every breath

Her smile with the wind blowing through her hair
Was so contagious in the air
So satisfying and I'm still smiling

And you're still out of my reach
And you're still all of the things that I want in my life
How could I ask you to leave me?

And we were just kids in love
The summer was full of mistakes we wouldn't learn from
The first kiss stole the breath from my lips
Why did the last one tear us apart?* love love love that song <3
anyways, so this week is the last week before christmas holidays.
and to be honest, usually in my small little canadian town.
theres snow.
but theres littlerally NONE.
i personally dont mind, since i hate the snow.
but it truly doesn't put you in the christmas spirit.

i don't mind though, since i'm hoping that these holidays will be great, and that i get to see my boyfriend alot.
since he's back home :D
i can't wait.
only three more days of school.. i can do this!
oh the holidays, here i come <3!

QUICK UPDATE.
i just took some gravol, because im working nightshift tonight, so i need to sleep after school SOOO. im gonna pass out soon ahah.

k reason why i havent posted in a month is cause i got really sick at the begining of november.
i started to have a normal flu, which turned into mono.
which pneumonia added on to that.
so i was stuck in bed for a good month.
BUT im back now, i feel.. well i cant say better, but better than before.
catching up on school work.
and applied to college too!
im quite excited for the holidays though.
first time having a boyfriend around christmas time. :$
its our two months. i know you guys must think its no big deal, but it is to me.
i shall explain in an other post.

anyways, as im about to pass out. ill post REAL soon.
as soon as i can!
:)

btw, like the roses he gave me? hehe :$